silhouette serenade

I'm sure yet confused, adamant yet half hearted. Mood's been pretty bland lately, sad to say.

I can officially drive as of 28th January 2008. Thank You God. Thank You Grandpa. Today was the cremation, and i don't know it its pure coincidence but it was held in the same hall as my late grandma and grand uncle. So, I've been to the same service hall and the same viewing hall 3 times in a row. I miss him really badly though. No more watching him play tennis, no more ginger chicken for Chinese New Year, no more music and piano playing during gatherings, no more hugs and hand shakes, no more jokes. But you'll always live in my memory. Ok there's this issue that I need to let out. When someone passes away, you don't ever use the word "died". Its disrespectful and crude, I feel. I had asked about how I could get compassionate leave from class and the reply I got was, "Who died?". I was more shocked than anything, to hear this coming from this person. Someone I respected, someone I trusted. I'd rather forgive and forget but right now, its har

I held his had as he took his final breaths, I watched as his breathing eased. He was no longer gasping for air. He felt at peace. He knew everyone was there with him, and I knew exactly how that felt. Though his hands were cold and lay motionless on the bed, there was life. There was always hope. His heart beating till its last. And he let out a tear. A simple tear which meant so much to me, to us. It bore so many words, so many emotions, so many wishes, that I just dont know how to describe it. It was a simple hello, a "how are you?", a "nice to see you", a "thank you", a "goodbye". But most of all it was an "I LOVE YOU AND I CARE FOR YOU NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS." That was what touched my heart and I know he heard me. I know he heard my words. I know you'll never be able to read this but I just wanna say thank you for everything you've done for me, thank you for being the best grandfather, thank you for being a teacher, thank

Who's your history maker? "Is it true today, that when people pray, cloudless skies will break, kings and queens will shake? Is it true today, that when people pray, we'll see dead men rise, and the blind set free? Yes its true, and I believe it. I'm living for you." How apt. I do believe. I believe in miracles. I believe in healing. I believe in faith. I believe in the purpose of life. I believe. I believe in HIM . The pain I feel, I cannot put into words. The sadness within me, its...indescribable. Yet, at the end of it all, I have hope. All because I believe. I believe he has a purpose, I believe he has a plan. Not just for me but for all of us. And in this time of pain and suffering, I believe that there is good that will come out of it. Should he leave us, it will give us a lesson to learn, should he make it through, it will bring faith to people. It will give hope, it will convert and I believe He is working wonders always, everywhere, for anyone. We live to

What does it mean to lose someone you love? What can it do to you? What can it make you feel? What can it make you think of? What meaning does it bring? Why must it happen? To consider the possibility of losing someone forever, is painful. It empties you, so much that you feel a part of you is missing. It feels like that part of you that you treasure so much is being torn away from you. Sometimes it is within your own means to take control of the situation, sometimes its not. How do you let go of something you have, yet at the same time, you know you cant have it because, you're just not ready. You fear for a lack of happiness, you fear for the lack of reciprocation. You fear for life. When it comes to life and death, how do you come to terms with it. You see him lying there, on the hospital bed, tubes in his throat and a life support machine. You may never be able to imagine the pain. As you stand by the bedside, you hold his hand. You feel the warmth, knowing there's life and

I took the longest nap ever today. Slept from noon till 4.30-ish, right after I got back from church. Its been a while since I had the chance to feel like a total bum and just sleep the entire afternoon away. Mind you, I could barely get up to have my lunch, and I had to pry open those poor eyelids of mine just to make sure I dont fall back to sleep again. The reason why I was so tired? Maybe too many long days in a row. I was out shooting photos Thursday afternoon with Brenda and Vanessa, and that was after a 9am class. Friday ended late too after council meeting to prepare for MediaBiz Awards. And yesterday, football in the morning after a month out, extremely rusty and obviously my fitness level sucked. Not that it was ever any good but yeah. Then to bowling training after that, which was pretty good, though I'm not so sure my wrist is fully healed. Yes, I'd injured my wrist during POL-ITE games and its taking quite a while to heal. Seems like a serious bout of tendonitis,

I've decided to keep this blog going. So do stay tuned for more updates soon. And there's a new blog picture to go with it. Till then. I'm off for dinner!

Ok well I've been away for a good half a year or so and I know nobody reads this dead weblog anymore but I just need somewhere to rant for a little while. I havent been getting enough sleep, sucks having to rush so many assignments as well. Cross cultural journals due tomorrow and I havent finshed one yet. Brilliant, I say. Been away from SJMM for quite a while now. Super busy with work that I dont have time to go down. I do miss them quite a bit and Julian's going off to Australia in Feb. How I wish he didnt have to go. At least I'll have my photog partner with me if he stays. Oh yes, I've been really moody lately. Quite a number of things going through my head but I dont know how to put it into words. Friendships, school, church, family, personal issues. Doesnt seem to stop. Plus my grandpa is in hospital now and it was really saddening to see the state that he was in last night. Thankfully he's better today. Well I guess that all the time I've got. Back to jo