I am going to go for guitar classes this holiday. Maybe a crash course or two in phrasing solos and hopefully improving the stuff I play. I'm bored to death with my music. Seriously, BORED TO DEATH.
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I wish I had more freedom. To be able to do things at my own time, at my own pace. To be able to give more time to the people I love. Its strange when I think of people who have less freedom than I do right now, but I just feel like I don't have enough of it. Not for a 20 year old at least. There are times when I dream of being grown up, working, having my own car, house, wife and kids. Its like dreaming about the perfect lifestyle that I'd wanna have, and to share that with the person I love the most. I do wish I had someone right now, but things just don;t fall nicely into place at my end and it makes it so difficult for me. Maybe I'm too cautious, maybe I'm too scared, maybe my self esteem is just too low. Maybe I'm letting go of what's to be the future. It was never the case of not wanting it. Its a case of not being ready to give everything to someone whom I would want to be with. I had never been this uncertain about myself before and it scares me to thin
This year, Chinese New Year just isnt as good as it used to be. I've no mood to do anything of sorts. Suddenly, I've lost the mood to blog and I've barely begun. Oh well. Happy New Year to everyone. (Not So) Happy New Year to me. I've been thinking. Thinking of how things might change. Thinking of whether I should hold on or go. Thinking of whether I should fight for it. Part of me says yes, another says no, and another says maybe. There was a point that I was ready to give up. He'd know. I talked to him about it. He said it probably would be the better choice. I don't know if I should have listened. I hate this feeling of not knowing what to do. Somehow, I'm just lost for words right now. I dont know what to type, I dont know what to say. Guess I should shut up now.
I guess it was just the way things fell into place and I ended up more towards the losing side. Its funny how everyone else manages to have time for their cliques and all, but I never seem to be able to fit my schedule into theirs, given what little time I have free. Either they're having breaks during class or having a group project discussion. Its been a tough semester and I just hope that at the end of it all, things might get better. More time for friends, more time with friends and most importantly, more time to enjoy life. I really miss hanging out with the usual bunch of guys - nura, izzy, aks, sany, keith, sha, candice, hazel etc. And I gotta agree with nura that we NEED a BBQ of some sort and be totally foolish and immature and freakin' knock ourselves out doing stupid random things. And to people like Joram, Cheryl, Guo-man, Leraine and Monkman (my chinese sister), you people really make my life a whole lot more fun these days. Being absolutely lame (Joram) is just so
I've always thought of myself as standing on the line between a fighter and a quitter. Over the past few years, it seems that my viewpoints and mindsets towards certain, in fact, many things has changed. I seem to be more cautious about making decisions, I seem to want to know what I want for myself, I seem to take less risk, I seem to want to take the back seat more often than not, I seem to want to able to give people opportunities, I seem to want to be as much of a helping hand as possible. I find myself having to deal with so much internal conflict. I want be be able to be someone who knows what to do and be sure of his decisions. Its weird how I see myself sometimes. I don't drink, I don't smoke, clubbing just isn't my thing at this point of time. I play soccer, bowl, play the guitar, somewhat aspire to be a photographer one day, recently developed a passion for radio and audio production. Its quite a bit for someone who hasn't even turned 20 yet. I wanna be ab