Ministry night was good. Helped me relax. The praise and worship was awesome and it kinda made me think why I let the my old self out. I thought it was behind me already. Guess that complacency proved costly. I thought i had done enough before to be someone new, but I've really let myself down by allowing my old self to come back.

What was I thinking? I dont know. Why I felt that way? I really have no idea. I hate times like these when I allow my selfish nature to show itself. I cant stand it. I'm disappointed with myself. All I know was that I let everything out in the pervious post. Simply aimlessly ranting about with no purpose. That just isn't me. I never put any thought into what i was typing and it jus came out the way it is. Dang.

Sometimes having a brother like mine rocks. He's the one who actually helps me chill, helps me hang loose and relax. Though he's only 14, I think he's a great guy.

Well, I just feel much better now. Listened to the testimonies from others just now and its inspiring. But I still question myself. I really dont know what made me feel so down and helpless. It was always a struggle, changing from who I was to who I am and staying that way. Lately, I've not been myself at all. I never saw this coming but I'm glad it did, cos now I know I that it isnt as easy as it felt.



God, please guide me everyday, in every step I take. I'm sorry to have disappointed you. I know you will be with me. Give me the strength to withstand all that opposes your will, and the wisdom to discern right from wrong and to make the right decisions. Amen.

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